what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Randomize
