Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
