the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
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