Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
i think i have two assholes
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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