it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Randomize
