Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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