The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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