yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
