he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
