dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
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