I puked a lego.
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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