apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
