so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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