you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Randomize
