Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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