i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I will pee on everything he values.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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