I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Randomize
