every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
