I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
