I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Randomize
