OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
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