i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Randomize
