Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize
