Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Randomize
