Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
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