My first STD was from a foam party
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
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