I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
