it was like having sex with a tree stump
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
