I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
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