Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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