my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
