I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
