wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
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