I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
