remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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