i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Randomize