I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
