She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
