Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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