Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
