I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
In other news, I just burned my penis
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
