i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
