She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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