Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
