So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
