just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
