You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Randomize
