I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Randomize
