So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
