u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Randomize
