If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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