Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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