I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
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