you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
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