I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
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