ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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