he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Randomize
