You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
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