Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
