lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
She's the barista slut.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
