Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
do herpes really smell.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
