I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
