her facebook's as public as her vagina
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Randomize
