im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
