Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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