They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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