im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
