You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Randomize
