What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
