State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
