capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
