I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
