captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
