Well douche your snatch and let's go!
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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